Thursday, February 26, 2009

bitchthatsmyman-itis

Being a person who thinks a lot.... one of the things that permeates the mental ethers all too often is the subject of relationships. The commonality among us is the ideal to be in a committed long lasting relationship. I won't broach the subject of polyamory today because as I am not the best knower of said theory as I historically walk in the shoes of a serial monogamist. Being in my understanding ciphers and doin the knowledge to how we interact with one another I c defined patterns and processes re: interrelating.

One that I absolutely identify with is the fight or flight syndrome or commitment-phobia or forever-is-some-bullshit dis-ease. Which is an extreme of highs and lows. Walking the “Tao” and finding what appears to be the Yang to your Yin... (ahhh how complete we are together.) At which point a voice in your head says “now you must submit...” At this point you realize you are standing at the edge of what you know. You then jump head first off the cliff of logic into the abyss of “love” just to realize there is something scary and mysterious in the waters ... whereby you put on the bulletproof lifejacket, swim to shore (quietly and quickly) and climb back up to logic. OK I know that was a lot.

All of the above is perceived, the perceived ideal and perfection of man, the perceived declaration of submission, the perceived safety of so-called logic, the perceived murky abyss of love, the perceived threat to your “self”, the perceived lifejacket (that keeps you from harm), and the perceived ascent to safety.... where you find yourself again...alone.

Now, just to be crystal, just because one is aware of the reality of the affliction, does not mean that one will easily treat said affliction. Just that they are aware of said self affliction. Which I will repreatedly tell myself is the first step in the healing process.

As I watch my sisters who are afflicted with I-will-never-leave-you-unless-you-kill-me-first-itis, and bitch-thats-my-man-itis, it is hard for me to see myself in a bad place... .yet I knowledge that the LOVE is the easy part and the inner work is what makes us all collect these afflictions.... and we all need to cleanse.

Spring is upon us people and I got the fever so I'ma get this heart cleanse goin and work to be more patient with the Yang, open to other perceptions of the Tao and not so quick to jump off every cliff I encounter.








p.s.… I just read this to my sister... who has one of the other afflictions but is a very good observer and translator of information and hers was that I am not a cliff jumper at all but instead have a love affair with the cliff... which I never jump from... hmmmm perception is a mutha.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Saturday, February 21, 2009

saturday 9:43 pm

Things that made me smile today
graph paper in journals
Sun at his game enjoying his own self
my personal blend of coconut shea butta
blood orange
watching art make itself
the word Yummy
talkin about Holy books
not rollin my eyes and then rollin my eyes at the observation
talkin to iself about grafted vs. refined
mini me holdin my hand (cus I know she gon' grow out of it one day)
building with little people about free will
being full (in the mental belly)
inappropriate daydreams in the kitchen
productive creative workdays

randomositylessness
so I find myself wanting to vent and then will write a blog and then will delete it before I post it because its inappropriate to talk about personals in the ethereal dunya aka www like I wanna talk to the whole universe at the same time but then think y'all some bitch ass haters ( na I ain talkin about YOU) and change my mind and take a shower. I btw prolly take more showers than anyone else I knowledge... it seems to be the only place where I can b alone and meditate.... and its hot and steamy wet in there...then I discovered that I am clearly concerned with the perception that the ethereal dunya has of me.... and that led me to the next realization that I care too much about you (well except for YOU).

so fuck what you think and thank you for teachin me that.

... I am a sweet and sappy ting seen...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

poetry is 4 suckas

suckas who write love letters to their egos
sad.
suckas who don't read anythin they ain' write.
dummy.
suckas who suck at this writing shit.
sucka.

poetry is 4 suckas.
deep bass origins of a little girl
loves melancholy sounds
likes mischievous boys
eats sweet and spicy
tastes fyawata
hears everything uttered and not
speaks thru vishuddha
feels deep bass origins of a woman
touch...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

collecting solar panels from my brothers

comfort in the tao....
singular bedtime stories....
nitelight ain't the same as the sun...
grey water systems to feed Anahata's gardens...
knowledge wisdom understanding culture power equality god build/destroy born cipher... written on her neck in cursive...
collective solar panels from brothers...
the earth is too much....


the earth is too much.