Thursday, June 25, 2009


Peace... sometimes my mind moves in a circle to show me the cipher.

I was resting on a day off last week sometime, and I find now that while I have a job that requires me to be outside in the sun, that I appreciate being inside (metaphorically and physically) oh so much.

On this day I was meditating on feeling the physical pangs and what they would represent in my mind or in my life process, and felt my hands and feet. I have always been slightly arthritic in the hands and now in my feet. Those who knowledge Faatma knowledge that every skill she has is associated to her hands. Every last one. So needless to say its reasonable that I would have early onset arthritis... anyway my mind started to drift.

What if its not "just" arthritis but a symptom of something worse...

my mind takes me thru the reference library of things I knowledge that have arthritis as a "symptom".

if it were something ill than how would I respond?
my mind travels thru fear, urgency, anger, acceptance, release, joy, freedom.

Freedom. If we were aware... positively actively aware, that tomoro is not promised, than would we live our lives as we do lazily today? would we have any fears of judgement or need for approval? would we put off adventures until we could "afford" it? would we wait to tell our children the stories of our lives until they were "older"? would we build our lives around the promise of "retirement"? Would we compare ourselves to each other or would we be enough?

I realized that I was massaging my hands and there was no more pain... and my inner travels showed me what the real pain was and how to mend it... freedom or death is a lesson in wisdom & power.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

washin' dishes

understanding ciphers are new visions of old things... I'll be turning 33 this rotation... understanding my understanding... nuff said right?

in my twenties it was epiphanies everyday but they were subtle... you walk the earth steady asking for wisdom, steady asking for guidance, steady asking for direction... constant movement, constant drive, motivation abounds, life is being and doing...

in my thirties its epiphanies every day but subtlety has left the building and has been replaced with a magnifying glass... I am on year three of asking for patience...I spend a lot of time tryna scrub a label off a jar and the goo that binds the label is fiercely attached... attachment is a bitch I tell you. I don't like that bitch. Ha.

I'll tell you a secret... in my teens I did more hallucinogens than one should probably do in a lifetime... probably in the span of a year I altered my life. Those white men who studied psychedelics and their connectedness to the Tibetan book of the dead were on to something... a larger conversation with your ego and all the layers of labeling that are stuck to this jar.

its telling... and explains much of my paradox & my existential metaphor.

Life is so perfectly simple and so intensely complicated.

the next adventure includes growing things with and for so-called exiled undesirables...more on that later...